Gakuen Alice: A Non-Story
by Autumn Win-Dow
Summary: "Besides, who would like to read about the friendship between two geniuses? The most drama we'd be getting from that is whether this piece of chalk is more soluble than another." Gakuen Alice in the eyes of a cynic.


Warning: Manga spoilers, and possibly offensive material, in the sense of criticising Gakuen Alice. So if you are a big fan of this manga and take offense easily, I strongly suggest that this story isn't for you. And to those who still choose the read this, I don't exactly hate Gakuen Alice- hell, I grew up with this story. I still have a fondness for this story, and I doubt that even the worst plot twists in these final chapters will make me hate it. This is merely a fiction which addresses the clichés and flaws in this story which pretty much cannot be detected by anyone other than a cynic. So yes, this is an example of a review blowing tiny but true things out of proportion.

Also, I hold no distaste as to how Higuchi Tachibana wrote this story. Besides, the way she wrote it made me drawn to the story in the beginning.

Dedication: To AoGA, for making this last month amazingly enjoyable. I wish all teams luck.

Inspired by: The wonderful writings of Margaret Atwood.

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_**Gakuen Alice, A Non-Story**_

**by Autumn Win-Dow**

(AoGA House Cup. Words: 2221)

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"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy, only to become a student of Alice Academy herself. There, she found out that Alice Academy was not only a school for geniuses, but a school for 'Alices' – children with strange supernatural abilities – and Mikan soon discovers that she has a Nullification Alice, the rare Alice which nullifies the effects of other Alices. In her first class, she encounters a temperamental, handsome boy named Natsume Hyuuga and his best friend Ruka Nogi, and immediately Mikan and Natsume become rivals. However, as time passes and their dark heritage is revealed, they end up falling in love-"

"Alright, alright, hold up. So this story is called _Gakuen Alice_, correct?"

"…That's right. Why?"

"Why aren't you referring to the school as Gakuen Alice, then? Shouldn't the name of the school be consistent with the title of this story?"

"But this story is currently being recited in an English language perspective. So if I refer to this story as 'Gakuen Alice' rather than Alice Academy, I would have to switch the name structures, as well."

"Then why in the world is this story's FanFiction archive referred to as the Gakuen Alice archive? Then what in the world is the point of translating fictions into an English format when the title itself is in its origin language – Japanese?"

"…Well, I'm not that sure. Perhaps Gakuen Alice is what most fans refer it as?"

"…Alright, then. Go on."

"W-What?"

"You hear me. Continue."

"Um, okay… well, eventually, after many major turn of events and bloodshed, they fall in love-"

"Hold up, fall in _love?!_ How old did you say they were, ten?"

"Well at this point in the story, they're twelve."

"Ha! Twelve! That is completely unrealistic – how in the world would a bunch of twelve year olds know if they're in love or not?! Hell, even my teenage kids have no idea if their latest fling is 'the one' or so they call it."

"Well, it's just a story, so-"

"Just a story, you say? But what's a good story without realism in the prospects of love lines and age? Besides, do these twelve year olds really require falling in love? It's a kid's manga, right?"

"Um, yes."

"So couldn't it have stayed as a tale of friendship, instead?"

"I guess so. Well, after many moments of hurt, comfort, and bloodshed, they become good friends-"

"And that just makes it anti-climatic."

"…"

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

"Oh. Sorry. Well, they become good friends and-"

"No, not from there! Start again!"

"…Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy, only to become a student of Alice Academy herself. There, she found out that Alice Academy was not only a school for geniuses, but a school for 'Alices' – children with strange supernatural abilities – and Mikan soon discovers that she has a Nullification Alice, the rare Alice which nullifies the effects of other Alices. In her first class, she encounters a temperamental, handsome boy named Natsume Hyuuga and his best friend Ruka Nogi, and immediately Mikan and Natsume become rivals. However, as time passes and their dark story-"

"Must there always be such a dark story behind the main character? It's so common that it has gone to the extent that a child with no dark backstory is explicitly rare."

"…Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy, only to become a student of Alice Academy herself. There, she found out that Alice Academy was not only a school for geniuses, but a school for 'Alices' – children with strange supernatural abilities – and Mikan soon discovers that she has a Nullification Alice, the rare Alice which nullifies the effects of other Alices. In her first class, she encounters a temperamental, handsome boy named Natsume Hyuuga-"

"And there's another one! Of course the male character _must _be handsome, otherwise the fan service needed is thrown out of the bloody window!"

"Fan service? But it's only a children's manga-"

"No, trust me. Even manga such as this have avid fans who form slash pairings like no tomorrow. The fan service is there."

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy, only to become a student of Alice Academy herself. There, she found out that Alice Academy was not only a school for geniuses, but a school for 'Alices' – children with strange supernatural abilities – and Mikan soon discovers that she has a Nullification Alice, the rare Alice which nullifies the effects of other Alices. In her first class, she encounters a temperamental, plain boy-"

"Because the guy always has to be so damn conflicted in order to make some sort of love story."

"...Didn't we change it to a friendship story?"

"…Just start again."

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy, only to become a student of Alice Academy herself. There, she found out that Alice Academy was not only a school for geniuses, but a school for 'Alices' – children with strange supernatural abilities – and Mikan soon discovers that she has a Nullification Alice, the rare Alice which nullifies the effects of other Alices-"

"I'm starting to believe that this character leaks with the traits of a Mary-Sue. Is that all she has?"

"Um, no. Of what I'm aware, she also possesses the Stealing and Insertion Alices, inherited from her mother."

"And where the hell is her mother?"

"…She died."

"Ugh. Couldn't she be a little less Mary-Sue? Couldn't Mikan Sakura be a more regular character without these amazing Alices which she couldn't even use to save her own mother?"

"But she's only twelve years of age!"

"Exactly! She doesn't even know how to use her Alices to the highest extent – that's why this story's main characters should have more years added to their age, so that they have the proper mental capabilities to handle the eventual psychological darkness of this story."

"…I guess you're right."

"Okay. So why don't you change the character's age, and amount of Alices? And are there any supporting characters?"

"Of course. There's the mind-reader Kitsu, the Cat-Dog alice Sumire, the flying Kitsu, the shadow manipulator Tsubasa-"

"I think that these characters hold for a much better range of character development. But for the sake of all the fans, we'll keep this story revolving on the wonderful, blossoming, heart-throbbing love story of Mikan and Natsume!"

"…"

"…"

"…Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai. But one unfortunate day, Hotaru left Mikan and their small school in a limousine, in order to enrol in a prodigal school by the name of Alice Academy. Mikan – as she dearly missed the presence of her best friend – took a train to Tokyo in order to see her at Alice Academy-"

"Don't you think that Mikan Sakura is quite a clingy character?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean, a normal girl her age would let a matter such as that pass – like I said, this story is quite unrealistic in terms of the conflict between character and age. Is the author actually saying that her love for her best friend is so strong that she is willing to travel into the city to see her?"

"Yes, because she's the type of girl who treasures her friends and family more than anything else."

"Well, if we're still talking about the English formatting of Japanese names, M.S. stands for both Mikan Sakura and Mary-Sue."

"But didn't you say that age and character shouldn't be conflicting? Wouldn't her wish to see her best friend be a feeling which overtakes all other menial enjoyments? Shouldn't a matter such as that be the most major concern at her age, before she entered Alice Academy?"

"…Not to the extent that she would steal her grandfather's savings in order to do so."

"…sigh. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl named Mikan Sakura who lived in the countryside with her genius best friend, Hotaru Imai-"

"Must the idiot-genius best friend pairing always be the central relationship of a story's beginning? I cannot comprehend the compatibility in terms of friendship in regards to this. Although the author may have made this juxtaposition because of the humour and 'heart throbbing' introversion it presents to the reader, a friendship such as this is just too unrealistic. Who approached who first?"

"Hotaru approached Mikan."

"Ha! The irony of a genius approaching an idiot to be friends. I'm not sure how Hotaru was able to stand being in the presence of a girl with an IQ smaller than her age."

"Hey, you're really going over the line with this. Besides, who would like to read about the friendship between two geniuses? The most drama we'd be getting from that is whether this piece of chalk is more soluble than another."

"For the sake of audiences. It's a shame that it's what authors care about nowadays."

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, ten year old girl-"

"Like I said, change the age."

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, sixteen year old-"

"Oh yes, because the main character absolutely must be a girl of _ethereal _beauty, because readers want to see an aesthetically pleasing couple like- wait, give me those character descriptions."

"Here."

"…What about this Kaname boy and this Nobara girl? If they were the central characters, this fandom would explode with outrageous fan art and crazed declarations."

"But they're only minor characters."

"Of whom warm up to Mikan?"

"Yes."

"Knew it."

"…Once upon a time-"

"Once upon a time? What time frame are you from, the sixties?! Get rid of that!"

"…"

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_Despite all this, Gakuen Alice is a tale like no other. We all have our reasons as to why we're here at this moment, reading fan fiction about this clichéd and absurd story. Was it the idea of a supernatural school which drew us in? Or was it the chemistry between the cheerful Mikan Sakura and the extroverted Natsume Hyuuga? Perhaps it was the concept of young children going through bloodshed and tragedy upon discovering the dark truth about Alice Academy- or Gakuen Alice, if you prefer Japanese. But whatever your reason, you read or watched Gakuen Alice. Even when you grow out of interest in this story, it is that child's sentimentality which keeps you attracted to this story or its characters – and perhaps, even when you've let go of the story, the simple yet eccentric child characters keep you in this archive, as you borrow these characters to write fiction of your own. Despite all these flaws, we – the authors of Gakuen Alice – keep this attraction to Gakuen Alice alive. Even if you've lost complete faith in the plot of the manga, there was a reason why you felt this way – you read it. And if you think this rant is completely pointless, then you can return to those fics where the nerd Mikan and the playboy Natsume fall in love. Who am I to stop you from doing so? Besides, isn't that the bliss you indulge in because of this tragic series?_

_The strength of Gakuen Alice is time. And a lot of it has passed._

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_**A/N: I do not apologize to those who may be offended by this, because I did make a pre-warning about these cynical themes. Like I said before, the criticisms of Gakuen Alice's components addressed in this story are blown a little more out of proportion – it's from the eyes of a cynical reviewer, after all. **_


End file.
